Weekly bites on love, romance, limerence, breaking up and keeping it all together.
In the aftermath of limerence, there is the void — the empty space where you are caught in the in between of the fantasy (of who you thought or imagined the person to be or your relationship) and the reality. You will find yourself grieving not only the fantasy parts of the limerence and your LO (love object), but all of the POSSIBILITIES and the HOPE.
You may go through all of the stages of grief and loss
Read MoreYou wish you could just make him see what he lost. You fantasize about getting him back, him calling or texting to reconnect. He’ll once again shower you with attention and you’ll go on the travels and adventures you always talked about. The thoughts are often uncontrollable now and you give in to them because it’s the only thing left to hold onto. All of the excitement comes rushing back as you imagine laying together on the beach, holding hands as you explore new cities together, talking and talking into the early hours of the morning. Even just imagining lazy days in bed with nowhere to go fills you with a kind of hope that gives you something that feels important, meaningful, something to live for?
Read MoreSometimes the people we choose as lovers are not meant to be long term, committed partners. It’s futile to keep beating yourself up if the transition never happens. Don’t blame yourself for the difficulty that may occur if you try and it’s not working out. What makes it even more confusing and difficult is that intense sexual and physical bonding with a lover triggers our emotional attachment system. After physical intimacy that feels amazing, connected and deeply satisfying, we can naturally desire to keep our lover close. This is a sign of your attachment system working to try to create a securely attached bond - which is totally normal!
Read MoreThere’s a pit in your stomach that doesn’t seem to go away.
You’re always exhausted, but sleep doesn’t help and insomnia is your norm.
You try to do things to distract the feelings: watch movies, go out, exercise voraciously, take long walks, immerse yourself in work and working late, but you’re always aware of that sinking feeling of worry and quiet despair brewing.
Your throat and chest feel tight.
Your body feels heavy with the weight of worry.
You get used to your stomach hurting, in knots, a clamping down.
You are keenly aware of your phone, keeping it close at all times, waiting for a message, on alert for the vibrate feeling in your pocket or the comforting ding sound. Anything. Just to feel calm again. That everything is alright. To know that you avoided disaster. To feel: I’m still wanted.
Read MoreI always knew I fell in love hard, but it wasn’t until limerence hit me that I knew something was different. When I started my quest to figure out what was happening to me, I could barely find any information at first. Obsessive love kept popping up on web searches, but there was a creepy vibe to that term that just seemed off - with the feeling of an inevitable diagnosis of crazy. I knew I wasn’t crazy, but I was definitely crazy in love… With the wrong person, at the wrong time. Who may or may not have felt the same way. Or couldn’t….The roller coaster ride of limerence is intoxicating, overwhelming and all consuming.
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Copyright © Steph Lazzara // Coaching - Brooklyn, NY
