Why Avoiding Uncomfortable Feelings Keep You Stuck

Why Avoiding Uncomfortable Feelings Keep You Stuck

Each of us has a strategy for avoiding certain feelings we don’t like to feel or don’t know how to deal with. For example:

—Do you ever binge eat or drink when you feel depressed, agitated, frustrated, hopeless or angry -and then feel guilty or horrible morning after morning?

—Maybe you shop impulsively outside your budget or engage in casual sexual relationships to try to numb the pain of a breakup but just put yourself into increasing debt or feel empty and wrecked after attaching to someone unavailable?

—Do you ever sit on the couch mindlessly binge-watching shows or spend hours on social media instead of researching new career sor job alternatives to the one you hate, just to avoid the fear and overwhelm?

When we do this, we can develop habits that are not life-serving and can keep us STUCK, rather than growing and flourishing.

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Strange Attractors - Why Unavailability in Relationships Fuels Desire

Strange Attractors - Why Unavailability in Relationships Fuels Desire

In the story of our lives, obstacles can either stall us into submission and retreat, or give us the fuel to motivate towards our heart’s desire or goal. Who hasn’t ever gotten fired up about a challenge or taking the hard route? In the realm of romance, obstacles seem to act as the spark that ignites passion & desire - and this can be very appealing and exciting, even if it’s with someone who does not match up as a good or logical partner for our long term relationship goals…..

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A Hidden Reason You're Drawn to Unavailable Relationships and Impossible Loves

A Hidden Reason You're Drawn to Unavailable Relationships and Impossible Loves

I define an unavailable romantic relationship as one that is severely limited in three important ways.

One, there is emotional unavailability involved (a fear of getting close and using distancing techniques to handle your own emotions or the emotions of others) in one or both partners.

Two, there are unbalanced desires for commitment, intimacy, and emotional investment between partners….


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Momentary satisfaction and relief vs holding out for long term benefits

Momentary satisfaction and relief vs holding out for long term benefits

How often we find ourselves in this conundrum: living in the moment, for what is appearing now, in temporary satisfaction, pleasure and pain relief even if the best thing for us in the long term may not be visible quite yet. It's so hard to hold out for more when the impulse is to satisfy desires NOW.

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