Why Avoiding Uncomfortable Feelings Keep You Stuck

What happens when your life becomes more about avoiding painful or uncomfortable feelings than going for what you really want? Chances are, you’re bypassing fully engaging in life. This can make you feel like you are watching your life pass by as an outside observer as the days go by…

Suppressing or trying to numb your feelings is exhausting and can also lead you to form self-sabotaging habits that drain you of the emotional energy you need to make any positive changes.

Some call this staying in your “comfort zone.” Honestly, I’m a little tired of hearing that term thrown around everywhere! What I’m more interested in is the things that we all do to avoid certain feelings.

For example, feelings that are uncomfortable or painful for almost everyone are anger, fear, anxiety, feeling ridiculed, the pain that accompanies a breakup, shame, feeling betrayed or diminished, jealousy, embarrassment, or disappointment.

Each of us has a strategy for avoiding certain feelings we don’t like to feel or don’t know how to deal with. For example:

—Do you ever binge eat or drink when you feel depressed, anxious, agitated, frustrated, hopeless or angry - and then feel guilty or horrible morning after morning?

—Maybe you shop impulsively outside your budget to feel the thrill of a bit of novelty but just put yourself into increasing debt.

— Do you engage in casual sexual relationships to try to numb the pain of a breakup then feel empty and wrecked after attaching to someone unavailable?

—Do you ever sit on the couch mindlessly binge-watching shows or spend hours on social media instead of researching new careers or job alternatives to the one you hate, just to avoid the fear and overwhelm?

When we do this, we can develop habits that are not life-serving and can keep us STUCK, rather than growing and flourishing.

The growing pains of taking new risks can hurt, but the alternative of not doing anything or resorting to old habits can also be equally painful and detrimental.

It’s difficult for a relationship to flourish if your default habit is to stay quiet because you’re too afraid to ask for what you really need and want —> New risk— learning to communicate effectively and ask for what you need.

Perhaps you get stuck in a job you don’t like because any alternative or the prospect of starting over or looking for a new job or career feels too overwhelming and scary —> New risk— hire a resume consultant or career coach to help you get the ball rolling.

When you avoid the feelings you don’t like, obviously they don’t just go away. They stay there in the shadows, slowly draining you of the emotional energy you need to fully participate in life and your important relationships.

And get this…Allowing and accepting your emotions to flow through you allows you to FEEL FULLY ALIVE.

Accepting your emotions is different than acting on all of them. It means acknowledging that they exist, and with that, that you are a whole human being with a wide range of emotional territory…And how beautiful is THAT?

You can transform your life when you begin to see if you are minimizing your feelings or resorting to habits that may be derailing your progress or keeping you stuck in one place.

It’s not too late to start creating new healthy and life-serving habits day by day that transform your life for the better. Reach out for a 30 minute session to see how we can come up with a plan to help you move forward,

How would it feel to grow, flourish and bloom?

To more growth & love,

Steph