A Personal Limerence Journal Entry

Limerence Is an emotional and spiritual take over

Limerence is an internal car crash with a clear before and after. Something devastating and life altering has occurred for the limerent person, except for most sufferers, what has happened is invisible to everyone outside, so what follows in the life of a sufferer can be a cascade of silent agony and despair, with no hope or relief in sight if support is not available or sought. 

One problem with diagnosing limerence is that not everyone experiences limerence and it can occur in degrees of intensity. Though it seems a universal condition (a state of being IN LOVE), each experience is highly individual. Fear of being judged, criticized or being belittled paralyses the limerent from seeking help or even confiding in others the heights of their suffering. This can cause a spiraling effect that can worsen those already prone to depression and anxiety. If you are married or in a committed relationship and limerent for another, you can experience a particularly agonizing and painful side of limerence, where the desire to be with your love interest can outweigh and undo even the most tightly woven of relationships or reveal the holes and loss of connection that have formed in your relationship.

Being in a state of Limerence is capable of dissolving the ego. The world starts revolving around one singular object of desire and the obsession is quietly consuming. All thought processes, actions and behaviors start to revolve around getting closer to the object of obsession and heart’s desire. 

Part of the pain of limerence is feeling alone and stuck in a state of shame. It can feel like you’re totally alone. To that end, I want to share some of my own experience as I was reflecting on my mid-point with limerence when I was in a hope/despair cycle with physical symptoms as well as mental and emotional anguish and couldn’t rid myself of the intrusive thoughts and fantasies:

Journal entry from my limerence experience: “I would sit in my car, physically trembling, no ability to pry myself out of the car to go meet him, but unable to resist the urge to be closer in proximity to him. I felt like a crazy person but also unable to stop myself - the hope of seeing even a glimpse of him was better than staying inside and quietly brooding all day. Hope that I would see him randomly felt the best option with the least amount of pressure or stress to my nervous system but was too unpredictable. Premeditated meetings set my body into a free fall of anticipatory anxiety and over excitement that literally was capable of shutting my body and mind down. I would tremble, shiver, go dry in the mouth, so high on adrenaline, a mix of fear and excitement - I thought I should run away at full speed or give in to collapse. The strange combination of both wanting to run towards him at exceptional velocity yet also simultaneously run away was astounding. I felt powerless. In all other aspects of my life I never experienced anything near to this feeling of being so out of control of my emotions and physical reactions. The fear of rejection was overwhelming. I was afraid of seeming crazy and obsessed. This kept me at a great distance and I would rather live in quiet misery and hope of somehow being closer to him in a fateful encounter than risking rejection contacting him and getting no response in return or getting such a delayed response that the days in between were absolute misery - the lowest of lows, like no other. Nonaction through Hope, Fantasy and Anticipation was a better option - better than rejection through active pursuit - in the sense of self preservation.”

The fact that someone else could have this kind of impact on another continues to compel me. Once limerence has taken hold, there is no turning back or reversing the condition quickly, it must run its course in time and a spiritual and personal journey of growth and healing is the pathway through.

Remember, you don’t have to struggle in silence and you’re not alone.

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With love.

Coach Steph