Limerence: A Love Story Like No Other

Limerence - a state of all consuming passionate love

“It feels different than all of the other times.”

“This MUST be it. What I’ve been missing in my life/relationships.”

“They must be THE ONE…”

Inner dialog in the first stage of limerence can sound a lot like this.

You are convinced you’ve finally found the missing piece. So THIS is what love is supposed to feel like! Or so the story goes.

You may not know it, but you’ve been quietly brewing a love story for years. You’ve been cataloging all of the things you find attractive and magnetic in others, what feels like “home” and how you want to love and be loved. Your brain has been clocking the qualities of parents, caregivers, those close to you since you were very young.

When the “magical” person appears, you can bet some qualities of your LO (love object) have some big similarities to those close to you that somehow fit, that feel unexplainable.

With this, there are some particular universals and feelings that are common for many who experience limerence:

Here are some examples (Part One):

The Eye Gaze - It feels special, different, soul-baring and connected. Despite not knowing this person well, you may feel the strong possibility that this person “gets you” - you may feel understood and seen all at the same time. Just this alone can send you into a limerent “twisties” and “roundies” episode* (Twisties and Roundies refers to the feelings you get when you are in the waiting period where you can’t sleep or eat due to anxiety and fear of rejection/a period of limerent hope. You can go over and over rehashing every meeting or conversation, ruminating to the point of feeling physically unwell.)

The Magnetic Pull - You feel like you are unable to to control your attraction and the desire to confirm reciprocation from your LO. It feels other-worldly and spiritual in nature.

The Desire to be “One” - Two as one, the completion of your very own story of love and dream of love. Once your love is confirmed and validated, all will be right in your world. This is the highest state of bliss.

Extreme Feelings of Elation - Signs of reciprocation of feelings (not just sexual) can set off an episode of extreme “highs” - this possible validation can hit at a place that feels most vulnerable, possibly even where you need the most healing and as if this person is the cure. Finally, you feel love-worthy and lovable.

Extreme Feelings of Sadness - Lack of reciprocation or fuzzy signals can create a tidal wave of grief in the body where you feel like lead and all you can do is sleep. This is now validation (in your mind) that you are not good enough or love-worthy enough. You think: all of my deepest fears were true. Everything seems to be hinging on the reciprocation of love feelings and the stakes are high. One false move, and you feel like you’ve ruined everything, forever. You’re back in the twisties and roundies.

Part Two Coming Soon…

Do you have any experiences with limerence to add to this list? Please leave a comment below or you can leave a comment on my Contact Me page. I may include the part you’d like highlighted from your experience in the next part of my blog article. You will remain anonymous! This is to help others who are suffering from limerence - going through it is enough, let’s help each other feel less alone!

XO
Coach Steph