Signs you May Have Hidden Grief

Moving on From Hidden Grief

All of us hold internal stories and expectations of the way we want our lives to turn out, and then, life happens….

When we think of Grief, we often think of having to mourn a person or death. But we also grieve major disappointments in life, setbacks or the shattering of long-held life dreams or dreams of love relationships.

Dialog in your head may go something like, “But this isn’t the way it’s supposed to be.” or “How did I get here? How could this have happened? What do I do now?”

You can feel like you have to move on quickly from emotional pain or find ways of distracting yourself and figure it out on your own. So you stuff the feelings down in order to carry on, but this only postpones the pain. Whatever you resist will persist.

Many times, unmourned, hidden grief can be an overlooked cause of low-grade ongoing unexplained depression, sadness, loss of zest for life and persistent loneliness.

Do any of these kinds of loss seem familiar?

Dream of Career, Financial, Social Success - A career path you’ve invested years in that is a constant struggle or never reaches fruition or the success you imagined.

Dream of Love - A divorce, relationship betrayal or series of unsatisfying relationships or break-ups.

Dream of Connection -The loss of important relationships or friendships.

Companionship - Loss of a beloved pet or pet(s).

Dream of Family Life - Marriage, parenthood or family life not turning out the way you expected it to be. The loss of any long-held dream such as having children or getting married or remarried.

You may have something of your own to add to the list….

If you don’t see or acknowledge these as a form of loss to be grieved or mourned, you can feel a kind of free-floating low-grade sadness, anger, anxiety and depression that clouds your days. You may find it hard to sleep or make authentic connections with others. You may feel the need to isolate to protect yourself and your heart. It can be difficult and painful to explore and identify new goals that give life meaning because of the fear of being let down or hurt again.

The first step in moving out of hidden, unmourned grief and healing broken life dreams is creating awareness around your losses that you may not have fully grieved or mourned. You can do this by starting a Losses List with dates and details. You may start back as far as you can remember. It may include losses from childhood from divorce or illness or difficulty with school, for example. Previously, something you may have thought of as a loss that wasn’t a big deal in your head, may be held in your heart as something that had far more importance.

The second part of healing hidden unmourned grief is finding a compassionate person or friend you can trust and sharing your story or stories. Be clear that you are not looking for advice or to fix anything. This person is to simply listen with compassion and be your witness. As you begin to release the long held grief, you create space for new life to enter. More opportunities for love and feelings may now surface. Life can move from being lived in grey tones to color.

The third step is exploring and visioning new goals and dreams. Without these, it becomes difficult to move forward and life can lack meaning, purpose and can feel stuck. There is no specific time table for completing this work. It may take listening to yourself and your intuition from a deeper place than you have listened and looked before. When you feel ready, you CAN rebuild and redefine what you want for a fulfilling life. You can get there.

I’m here to support you on your journey.

Steph