Moments of Acceptance

During a time of an extremely painful loss of love, I noticed that within all of the raging, the pain and anger, I had a moment of acceptance. Suddenly all of the anger, resentment, despair, self-hate and revenge-lust lifted.

For a moment, I saw both sides of the story. I felt what was really there, what had been, and what was now. The fantasies dissolved. I felt the unmet needs and true hurt underneath the anger, which was really just the sheer pain of the loss of someone I loved deeply. My heart gave in to this feeling and I was back in reality of what was actually there, not what I could have done to make the outcome different, or in the endless mind-loop of self attack and criticism that causes a blow to self-esteem that feels unrecoverable.

I went in and out of cycling through the anger, despair, grief and pain with moments of acceptance of reality for a good amount of time. It did not magically become lifted...but I kept going back to accepting the moment, and from there, a future opened.